turkey-imported-from-maine:

firelorcl:

meladoodle:

i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed

a dentist

i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police

alwaysnatz:

So Robert Downey Jr. is on twitter now and honestly I didn’t expect anything less

princeowl:

ok but before u unfollow me we gotta do a duet of ‘gotta go my own way’ sorry i dont make the rules 

— Anonymous: tell us your most embarrassing story

jesusinc:

jesusinc:

So a while back i was at this party and i was the first girl to arrive and there were like 20 guys already there, we were all siting around, having a beer and whatnot when the dj arrived. So all the guys went out the front of the house to help set up the dj gear and it was just me sitting there alone in the backyard for like 5 minuets. I stood up to go follow them bc i was getting really bored when i realized something, my period had gone through my white pants and stained the while chair, i was humiliated, i had no idea what to do, i could hear the guys were coming back and i had to do something quick, time was running out. So i grabbed the chair, ran like 10 meters and threw it over the fence into the neighboring yard, i quickly walked back and tied my jacket around my waist. The guys soon returned and didn’t suspect a thing, i am amazing.

image

mightyflower:

to quote hamlet act III scene iii line 92, “no”

me n my ogre bf

bellpincher:

me: babe come over

bf: i can’t theres fucking ropes all over the place

me: my parents are out

bf: image

dlubes:

donglek:

megustamemes:

It’s more disturbing with the USB cable plugged in.

i hate this website

clurex:

real australian chips people

amandafiske:

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

MS